Personal Rule of Life (Part 2)

"The ascetic approach basically asks, What do I need to let go of?  The mystical approach asks, What do I need to take up?"

"The ascetic dimension of a rule of life invites us to consider what separates us from God, and asks us to give it up"

"The mystical dimension of a rule of life invites us to consider what practices will open us to the divine mystery more fully."

-The Pastor's Guide to Spiritual Formation

It is so painfully obvious what it is that I need to give up.  I need to give up BLAME.  I spend so much time blaming other people.  I blame others, and not strangers, for almost everything in my life.  I blame my weight on my upbringing.  I blame my messy house on my spouse and child.  I blame my lack of work on my co-worker.  I blame my laziness on my weight.  I blame everyone else and everything else.

A Personal Rule of Life

"A rule of life gives us a way of allowing God's love to 'make us real'".  

If we really want to [spiritually] mature, we need to do three things:  (1) take stock of our spiritual life as it is now, for better or worse; (2) discern what we need in order to progress toward a deeper experience of communion with God; and (3) make choices about intentional practices we can actually live with"

Marjorie Thompson - "Making Choices:  Developing a Personal Rule of Life"

Taking Stock of My Spiritual Life

List briefly what I consider to be essential in my current life commitments & responsibilities

• Mom
• Married
• Worker
• Christian
• Friends
• Weight Loss
• I don't really get this

I don't really get the point of this part of the exercise.  My spiritual life feels broken.  I feel like I am just going through the motions - in my secular work life, my perosnal life, my home life, my spiritual life.  I always feel like I can't pray because I have nowhere to pray - every room is busy, loud, or busy.  I always feel like I can't exercise because it's too hot or Andrew is in the living room or the Living Room is too messy.  I always feel like I can't clean because I've got to make supper.  Or whatever.  I always feel like there are obstacles.  I can't pray until I have a nice prayer spot - but I can't have a prayer spot because a) I don't know what it should look like other then it involves kneeling and a clean serene room, b) I don't want to kneel, c) I don't have a nice clean serene room, and d) I keep forgetting.

How is this the deep spiritual life of a Pastor?  How is this allowing me to be open to the Divine?  How will I hear if I do not listen?  How will I do anything if I don't have the time, space, or capacity to do anything?

In short, my spiritual life is lacking, devoid, sad, immature, undeveloped, shitty, lonesome, and lacks confidence.

& Suddenly

& suddenly it's been two years since i posted anything here.  if you'd asked me how long it had been i would have said, 6 months - maybe 7.  how could it be 2 years?  i have lots to say...don't i?

i guess we'll find out.  this year, as part of my learning goals, i'm supposed to keep a journal to help me solve problems, work through confusion, and make theological connections.  intentional journaling they call it. i guess that means i'm not supposed to talk about supper, things that make me mad, and new shoes.  this is supposed to be for deep stuff only.

so, let's go deep.